Controlling Emotions
A Lifelong Practice
That time of year is coming around again. I depart for scout camp on Thursday, July 17 for ten days of heat, bad food, and people that can try my patience at times. I used to have a highly explosive temper and, at times, still show signs of that same Caleb I've been trying to get rid of for the past four years. Scout camp has been notorious for bringing my temperament out. Long ago, I used to refer to it as my own personal demon. Last year, on the tenth and final day, for the first time since soccer camp back when I was about...11 or 12, I fought a boy in the troop. I am not proud of it; in fact, I consider it one of my most notable screw-ups in my life. One of three, actually, but those are stories for another time. This year, as an adult, I am determined to be a different person for the first time in most of the years I've been there.
So, why do I have this problem with my temper? Well, that is also a long story. But to sum it up, my childhood was one of mistreatment by a lot of people and the belief that I was not unique at all. Constantly being tormented by the people around me, I developed my own personal excuse to be a loner, a fighter, and angry. That, of course, was all that it was: an excuse. Because of it, I have hurt friends--but have been forgiven--and lost friends, and have denied myself the chance for friendships for most of my life. I developed an introverted outlook on society and have been reclusive and protective of my feelings and heart, for fear of hurting or being hurt. But, in the last four years, since I started and finished high school, I have met people who have entirely changed my life! All of those for the good. Freshman year, 2010, was the year I, more or less, started to open up to people and began to make friends. My friend Alex was probably the first true friend I made as a freshman. Then a couple more during wrestling season. Then during sophomore year, I met five more people. Junior year, I lost friends and made new ones. One in particular became very close in just a few short days, then something happened, and we more or less stopped talking. A wall came between us that they had put up for my protection, and I honored that. I also met a friend who has been a near two-year wonder in my life. I've learned so much from them and them from me. They've been in rough situations many times in the past year and 9(ish) months, and I am honored to have been there to give the guidance that I could, and if I couldn't, just being able to give my friendship and ear so that they had someone to talk to when the world wouldn't listen.
My emotions went completely out of control in September 2012. I had made a decision that I regret more than anything else in the world, but I couldn't carry it out. Had I carried out my decision, I would have turned my back on my friends, my family, my future, and God. But since I was able to beat that idea out of my head, I have devoted my life to following the path that will lead me to what I know I need to do, not in the future, but FOR the future. More specifically, the future generations. To lead the youth of the next generations to God. That is what I believe I am to do--it's my purpose. So just why am I talking about this particular topic? Well, for one reason, because I know most of, if not all, of the rebounds of what NOT controlling your emotions can do to you. I've gone through almost every single tough situation that a teen can go through short of fighting parents, drugs, and alcohol. I've gone through "mental illnesses," lack of confidence, denial of self-worth, sour relationships with family, sour relationships in general, the helplessness of seeing a friend fall apart and not being able to pick up the pieces, etc., etc.
I've lost count of the different techniques I've used to help me become who I want. Then, last year, I had an epiphany: I can't help myself become who I want to be! For years, I've heard people from all different sources say, "Let God take control of your life" and "Give up the reigns. Let the Holy Spirit work inside you so you may better work for His will." I used to rely upon my faith to believe that the God I worship exists, but now, for me, it is no longer a matter of faith. I don't have faith that God is real. With the amount of things that have happened to me and the amount of times I've been saved from those situations, who wouldn't believe that God exists?! I know for a fact that I have seen Him, time and again, working in my life. Guiding my every step. Watching over me as I stumble along the narrow way. What does this have to do with controlling your emotions? Well, here's a starter: When you no longer control yourself, but let God do it instead, you no longer have to control your emotions. Just ask Him for strength and He shall provide always! God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good. I've been able to defeat my "demon" because I've reminded it that its rent has been long overdue, and that it has been evicted. A new Resident has taken its place, and He has already paid the rent in full for all eternity.
What causes you to struggle with your emotions the most? What sort of struggles do you face on a daily, monthly, or yearly basis? Leave your comments below if you'd like, and remember, when in doubt, take a breath, and doubt your doubts! Thank you for your time.
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