Coffee

Near the end of my junior year in high school, a discussion with my father planted the seed of an 

idea within me. People find missionary work in other countries necessary; however, in this current 

age, the youth of America require immediate attention so America does not become an atheistic 

nation. I developed the concept for Narrow Way Coffee with the intent of confronting teens in an

environment where they lower their guard and do not attempt to display themselves as stronger

Christians. Confronting teens outside of the Church makes them vulnerable and softens their hearts. 

               I decided on a coffee shop because I worked for Dunkin' Donuts during my junior year and 

discovered youth drink coffee earlier than past generations and utilize coffee shops as social outlets. 

The conception of Narrow Way Coffee grew from my interest in business and my desire to grow 

closer to God. My preconceived notion that the conditions where the Bible is taught aught to be 

changed solidified itself after a conversation I had with a guest at the Keeter Center. He is a retired 

church minister of thirty years. He told me "the gospels do not change; however, the way we present 

them, desperately needs to". The gospels, whether told in a church or in a small business, do not 

change. The sincerity of the congregation, and in unusual cases, the pastors or the person ministering 

radically changes depending on location. The buildings that people refer to as churches affect the 

teachings of the Bible in a negative way. When a congregation expects people to act Christ-like in 

church, people don the persona of "a good Christian" and lie to themselves and those around them. 

The time to change where the podium stands draws nearer as the country retreats further from God's 

glory.

January 13, 2015

Under the Apple Tree

By: C. Jason M.

     Somewhere beyond the mountains, a small village was on the verge of slumber. Every house was dark, and outside, you could hear the soft pitter-patter of rain on clay roofs. In the center of the village, one candle shone into the darkness from the window of a single tavern. I walked through the night in the rain and knocked softly on the door. It opened, and a man, tall and thin with deep-set coal black eyes and musty red hair, stood in the doorway.
     "Come in," he said. He stepped aside and took my cloak. Inside the tavern, it was warm and comfortable. A fire burned to the right, where four men sat, one of which was speaking animatedly. I took a seat by the wall closest to the fire.
     "What can I get for you, sir?" the innkeeper asked.
     I sat there for a moment in silence, looking deep into the flames of the flickering fire in the hearth. "Just some bread with cheese and a mug of elderberry cordial," I said.
     The innkeeper turned to the bar and returned shortly with a wooden bowl of bread and cheese and a wooden cup filled with the deep red drink. I sat eating in silence, but couldn't ignore the story teller. He was just finishing a well-known tale of a girl who was taken by a ranger to a mysterious forest, and supposedly, she had been seen wandering those very woods, searching for her way home.
     "Now, with the hour peaking right, I shall tell a tale handed down through my family," the speaker said in a hushed tone. I turned slightly in their direction to better see the four men. The speaker noticed. "You there, come join us. You look weary and a good story may do you well."
     I took my food and sat in the circle by the fire. The speaker was a wild-eyed man of many seasons, his hair reaching past his shoulders. "This tale is no myth as the past fable. This one is as real as the very storm beyond these very walls. It took place hundreds of years ago, in a land far across the eastern sea known as Delgor..."
     The night was quiet, but this quiet was filled with a sound no tongue could describe...

     "Hey, hey, hey. I surrender!" Aarik sat with his back to a wall and a sword to his chest. Kari stood over him, victorious once again.
     "That makes the score seven to nothing," she said, smiling. She removed the blade and helped Aarik to stand.
     It was a warm summer afternoon. The two friends sat back to back under an apple tree in the center of the garden. Aarik took a bite from an apple above him and handed it to Kari. They grew up together, coming from similar lifestyles. Both lost their parents in the war against the forces of the Serpent of Old. Ever since then, they dedicated their lives to defeating them, and ending this war of pain and loss.
     "Hey, Kari, you know, I'm astonished it's been twelve years already since we made that pact."
     Kari leaned her head on Aarik's shoulder. "Yeah, and look at how much we've grown. I'll come of age tomorrow, so once that happens, we can get the captain's approval, and we'll be ready to head out next week." She closed her eyes, letting her blond and brown hair fall around her shoulder.
     Aarik lifted his nose and took a long, deep breath, filling his lungs with a fresh, warm breeze. He took one last bite from the apple and tossed the core to the side. There was silence between them. A silence filled with the chirping of birds, the howl of the high winds above, and the rustling of leaves on the cobblestone. The silence was broken by the ringing of the temple bells.
     "Oh, no. Is it already time?" Aarik sat bolt upright and looked toward the sound.
     Kari looked the same way before turning to Aarik. "You should go. Don't want to be late, do you?"
     Aarik nodded. He had just been accepted as a part of the temple, so when he wasn't training, he was accomplishing his duties there. Kari kissed him on the cheek before he bolted off toward the sound of the the still tolling bells. The suns were setting to the north and south. Kari looked up to the rays of light colliding like two sides in a battle. One red and one yellow. Indeed, they had grown a great deal since then. Aarik had grown into a very handsome young man. And coming of age didn't only mean that they'd be able to go to war, but also that if Aarik were to ask for her hand, she could accept. Their long-awaited chance to join the front lines was drawing nearer.
     "I will protect you! I swear it!" She got up to go home, but before she departed the cover of the tree, she reached out toward the temple. Then, lowering her hand, she went from that place.

     The next morning, Kari and Aarik met by the same tree before going to their commander to receive the O.K. to fight on the front lines.
     "At last," Kari started, "we can finally have our chance out there."
     Aarik tossed her a small loaf of bread with dew cream spread on top. "I can only imagine what it must be like out there, in the midst of battle."
     Kari nudged him playfully. "What is this? Is Aarik Carrier getting scared?"
     He smiled sheepishly. "Not at all. How could I when I've got you to watch my back? Anyway, it's almost time for our audience with the Captain. Let's hurry!" The two strode to the Captain's quarters.

     It was now around supper time. Aarik and Kari walked out of the room. Kari was wearing a smile that would put the Prince of Lies himself to shame. Aarik had more of a timid smile.
     "Oh, Aarik, we've finally done it! It's only one week until we leave for the front lines."
     Aarik held the papers with the Captain's seal on them. In his other hand, he held four talents the Captain had given them to use to prepare before their departure.
     "Hey, Kari, what do you say we go get something to eat from the Smoldering Dragon to celebrate? I'll use one of my talents to pay for the two of us."
     Kari's eyes sparkled like the stars. "That'd be lovely!" She smiled again. "You go on ahead and save a spot. I need to go feed Kaitlyn first. She's been in that stable for too long."
     Aarik agreed and went on his way after Kari had given him the traditional kiss on his cheek. She turned to go and walked out the big double doors that left the facility.

     Later that night, long after the moons Den and Nir had reached their highest points, Kari and Aarik were by the apple tree once again. Hand in hand, they kept the chill at bay with Aarik's cloak around them both.
     "I'll not see you tomorrow, shall I?" Kari asked.
     Aarik looked to the stars. "I'm afraid not. I'll be at the temple till late with my studies."
     She moved closer to him. "What a shame," Kari said after a time. "Did you hear that the Princess's lady-in-waiting fell ill to a virus? I heard a new lady is being searched for immediately. Seeing as how the Princess is now with child."
     Aarik rested his head on hers. "I wonder who it could be."
     Kari lay down, resting her head on Aarik's lap. "What does it matter? We shall be gone long before they pick a new one."
     Aarik closed his eyes with his back to the tree. Their lives would change so much in just one week's time. Aarik had to be brave for her. How could he not be scared? The night went on after they had departed from each other's company, and after the wind of autumn tore the first leaf from that apple tree.

     The next afternoon, Kari was wandering the city streets, looking at shops and talking to familiar faces.
     "You there! Girl." Two men in formal wear of the courts approached her.
     "Yes? May I help you?" Kari asked.
     "You are, as of now, the only candidate left to be the Princess's new lady-in-waiting, on the grounds that you have no family to claim you. You are to come with us immediately."
     Kari was shocked! Her? A lady-in-waiting for the very Princess of Delgor herself? "Bu...but I am a part of the royal army. I'm to go to the front lines six days from now."
     The two guards stood beside her and escorted her to the palace. "Orders are orders. You must come with us."
     Kari struggled to free herself. "I can't go! I have to stay by my friend's side! I have to be there to protect him!" Her struggles were to no avail. "Fine," she said finally. "But promise me you'll watch out for him during the war. Make sure Aarik comes home safe."
     The guards looked at each other for a moment. "You have our word; he will come home safely!"

     The day came when Aarik was waiting for Kari by the apple tree before they were to leave with the army. When she didn't show up, he turned to the tree and chiseled out their code on the base of the trunk. 'Grow as the apple tree does. Healthy, strong, in the light, and bearer of fruit.' Then he turned to the gate and was gone. The tree sat there, its green leaves fading slowly to a light brown color. An apple fell from the tree and rolled to the side, discarded by its former home.

     Months passed. Seasons changed. Kari sat at the window overlooking the eastern hills. She saw the trees die as summer passed to fall, then as fall passed to winter. The trees were covered in a heavy blanket of snow, and the hills danced with radiance from the sunlight striking the layer of white. As she was looking over the sunset, she saw the glimmer of metal in the snow. A helmet. The troops were coming over the hills toward the city gates! In an instant, she was gone from the room, and was seen dashing as fast as she could toward the courtyard. As the gate opened, she stood there looking for Aarik. One by one, soldiers passed by her, but not one of them was Aarik. As she continued to search, she saw one of the two guards who had taken her with them many months ago.
     "Where is Aarik?!" she yelled, making the guard lower his eyes; he suddenly looked weak.
     "H-he is gone...the front lines got flanked. A majority of us fell, but I saw him fighting in the midst of fallen warriors from both sides. The stench of blood filled the air, and I thought I saw a tear roll from his eyes, but it had started to rain, so I couldn't tell. He was shot with an arrow in the chest. Then his ankles were cut by an enemy blade. He fell to his knees, then landed face down, driving the arrow completely through his heart. I'm sorry...I couldn't keep my word." The guard trudged past her, weeping.
     Kari stood in a state of shock, tears building up in her eyes at the news of her lifelong friend falling without her there. She walked through the gates, following the footprints of the returning soldiers. Behind her in the courtyard, the apple tree stood, barren of life--a silent sentinel forever watching the gate for the return of two friends who spent their time under it...

     The old man stopped talking. The fire was low, and the rain had ceased. I noticed most of the other listeners had gone to sleep, except for the bartender and me.
     "What happened to the girl?" I asked.
     The old man looked at me, then to the candle on the window. "She never returned. Some think she wandered around in the cold until she froze. Some believe she went to the battlegrounds to find any trace of where Aarik had been buried, or at least his remains. But if you go to where the front lines stood, you can sometimes see two specters standing back to back with swords drawn."
     I looked at the ground in thought. "Have you ever seen them?"
     The man stood up and stretched, gathered his belongings in a bag, and walked to the door. Before he opened it, he spoke, still facing the door. "Aye, I have."
     I called out after him as he walked out on the path. "Why do you tell this story?"
     The man turned to me, and he suddenly looked older for a moment. "They couldn't save Aarik, and ultimately lost Kari because of it. I will, however, not let their memories die away. No, sir. Not this time." He turned again toward the path and began to walk.
     As I watched him fade into the distance, I saw an emblem on his bag. The emblem of the royal guard.

05032020

THE ADVENT OF THE WRITER

It's been five whole years since last I wrote. Many things have happened. In the fall of 2015, I was admitted to the hospital for clinical depression, having suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I left the college of my dreams (fall 2015), only to return a semester later (fall 2016) and leave once again (spring 2017). I met a woman in college who I fell deeply in love with (fall 2016 through spring 2017). I changed directions and pursued trade school, with a focus on automotive mechanics (fall 2017). I dated the woman of my dreams for a significant time before proposing in the fall of 2018; then, by the summer of 2019, I married my best friend. 

It is now the spring of 2020. The return of the '20s has sure been...something. Most notably, as you all know, the world has been struck by a disease that will be forever known as Covid-19, or "the rona". My feelings on how bad this disease is is irrelevant, but even several months after people became aware of Covid-19, a heavy majority of humanity is still deathly afraid (literally) of this disease. Fear and panic has gripped the hearts of the people and has destroyed what sense of community and oneness we had. We, as a nation, are still wrestling with whether or not life should continue as it was before the disease hit, or if panic should be a new norm. It's still up in the air.

Anyway, so much has happened since I last wrote, but I started watching a show where the main character is an aspiring writer of romance novels, but is struggling to find a foothold. The relevant topic here is that I just want to get back into blogging more. It's comforting to me to be able to share my thoughts to people who might be interested. So, without any further delay, my next post next week will be about salvation and beliefs between denominations of the same religion. I was speaking with my wife on the subject and it got me thinking about the people who I know who are the topic of the discussion and how their views differ from my own (and boy, do I have differing views on some topics with people...but that's a whole different discussion for another post). As always, if you're reading this and want to say hi, or even encourage me to continue writing, please say so in the comments below. Any and all support helps. Till next time, friends.

Seeking What?

Searching...

It happens every now and then, I find myself searching for something to fill an emptiness that I feel in the midst of everything going on in my life. Friends, hours at work, a position at the college of my dreams, the relationship I've read about, written stories of, and dreamed about, and even the increase of my net worth. Through all of these wishes and dreams, I haven't lost sight of what truly matters: growing in my relationship with my Creator, my Lord, my Savior, my Friend, and my God.

So why am I still searching? Personally, I think it sums up to this: for nearly 21 years, I have fallen, failed, disobeyed, ran from, hid, and lied to and from everyone and everything in my life. Things get better as I continue in my walk with God, but there is always a lingering want in the back of my mind at at the bottom of my heart. People say God has "predestined" if you will, a person for each and every living person on earth to possibly live out their lives together. I myself am not sure how accurate that belief is; however, that person is who I am searching for. Even though this search may yield fruitless results, it's as the saying goes, "you will miss every single shot that you don't take."

A good friend of mine told me that it isn't wrong to have feelings for more than one girl at a time. To this day, I still struggle with that thought. How can I say I have meaningful feelings for someone if those same "meaningful feelings" are towards another person at the same time? Doesn't that simply make my feelings shallow and unfounded? Also, adultery is defined as "voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse." So by definition, having feelings for someone who is dating another can't be labeled as adultery because one: they aren't married and two: unless the lustful thoughts come into mind when looking at said woman intrude into your thoughts, voluntary sexual intercourse does not happen. These arguments are weak and uneducated, but that's what growth is for. Learning answers to questions that you may not have had the correct answers for in the first place.

Now the matter of lust is a bit different. Lust is defined as "very strong sexual desire". A pure relationship before marriage has and should have nothing to do with sex. Having feelings for a person who is dating doesn't automatically make you lustful. Again, envy is also different. "A feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck" or "desire to have a quality, possession, or other desirable attribute belonging to (someone else)." A person is not a quality, possession, or attribute of anyone, especially when only dating. Can someone show envy for another person's girlfriend/boyfriend, even though neither person is the other's possession? People are not and should not be labeled as possessions. Before marriage, a person belongs to their parents and God. Until then, one person's girlfriend is not, at the same time, their possession.

Now, here's my struggle. I have had these feelings for people who are already in relationships with someone; not showing any signs and restraining myself from bringing them up. When I make a friend, it starts at loyalty. I have chosen to become one's friend, and that sets a bond between the two of us. Sometimes, as that bond grows, admiration begins to form. Admiration blossoms into feelings, feelings into whatever goes beyond that. Love is not an accurate word I don't believe since this word has become far to over-used and abused throughout the years. The Bible clearly states what love is, and for each and every one of my friends, I love them. But loving my friends and loving someone truly special to me sometimes becomes difficult to discern the differences between. Regardless, I press onward, searching for that person whom I will come to love more deeply than I have any other one of my friends. I may have already met her, I might not have. That's what makes God such a beautiful mystery. Our lives are not set in stone. Having free will, we can carve our own relationships as we see fit.

What do you all think? Any questions or comments are welcome in the comment section below.

What is Love?

I ask myself, "What is love?"

Many thoughts have provoked this question, and I turned to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 for inspiration:

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (ESV)

God is love, so this definition of love shows a fraction of God's character to us; however, it is not just applicable to God only. We can apply this idea to how we love each other and ourselves. Couples say "I love you" or "Love you, too, babe" all the time, and I sometimes wonder about their basis of saying it. Here's a scenario: the campus dance is coming up, and a friend asks you to be their "date" for the dance. You agree to go, and the two of you make plans for before, during, and after the dance. The afternoon before the dance, your friend says: 1) "Hey, I decided not to go because I have a ton of homework that I shouldn't put off," or 2) "I know I asked you to go, but someone else asked me and I felt really bad for them, so I decided to go with them instead." This person is your friend, but they changed the plan that the two of you had come up with together, and you made drastic changes to your schedule that week in order to make it to the dance.

Most people would be something above furious or distraught, but you love them. Not in the previously mentioned sense of the word, but in the Christian definition. Being angry at your friend for any reason does not show the love described in 1 Corinthians. In addition to the scenario, just think about all the times you went back on a promise or skipped out on plans with a friend or group of friends, all for your own gain, be it justified or not. Hypocrisy has never been anything but taboo throughout history.

Unconditional love is one of the rarest aspects of life that can be found, next to unquestioning faith and purity in relationships. If one of our goals as Christians is to become more Christ-like, then the love described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is a great place to start our journey.

What are your thoughts? Leave them in the comment section below.

Combating Thoughts

Due to a three-day endeavor during the week of November 10th through the 13th, I have come to realize a great deal of things. One of which being that my problems could always be worse. The people I was with those three days all had it worse than I did. Secondly, I have been taught that no emotional reaction to a situation comes without a provoking thought. Our brains process situations at a tremendous speed that is generally overlooked and creates the misconception that situations, circumstances, and events cause emotions, where in reality, it is the thought that races in our minds that create the emotions. Have you ever been cut off while driving and gotten so angry that you just lose it? Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't the fact that you got cut off that made you mad, it was that being cut off caused you to think, "That guy/girl is such a jerk. I am mad! He could have killed me!" etc., and those dissected thoughts are what caused your emotional reaction of anger or rage (road rage, to be specific). When we become aware of this fact, it becomes possible to control our emotions previously believed to be uncontrollable. Thirdly, my coffee shop dream outweighs most other thoughts in my mind. A thought that would put me in a situation where I would become unable to start Narrow Way would be fought off by my strong desire to one day make that dream into a reality. Your mind will fight itself. It's like an immune system: an alien, infectious, or damaging thought is placed in our brain. In reaction to that, our brain sends positive, supportive, and good thoughts to combat the bad thought(s). Our brain protects itself without our knowledge.

A secret to controlling your thoughts is something psychologists call the three step process: 1) Is the thought based on fact? 2) Will the thought help me do what I want to? and 3) Does the thought make me feel the way I want to feel? If any of these question's answers come out as no, the thought is a bad thought and needs to be changed or discarded. I write this entry specifically to three people in my life that I know could use the advice as much as I did. The Bible says in Psalm 18:16-20, "He sent from above, He took me; He drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy, from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my support. He also brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because He delighted in me. The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands He has recompensed me." Our God is not one to leave us alone in our struggles. Many times I have lost sight of that fact, and many times He has brought me back to the narrow way.

I want to reach out to all those hurting in one way or another, giving them some tools to help fight the negative thoughts in their minds so that they can understand how to create only the emotions they want to feel instead of being controlled by their emotions. Thank you all for reading. I will continue to write more than I have been. God bless.

07062015

"As the Night Went On"

     Left hanging, I decided to go to a familiar atmosphere located only a few blocks from my home. As I entered the door, a friendly acquaintance welcomed me and offered my regular seat. I declined, of course, my normal seat requiring a second awareness in order to feel comfortable in that particular spot. In exchange, I picked up the vacant corner booth near the road. 

     I may have encroached a boundary not meant for me to cross. And against an awareness that has gone through major turmoil, at that. My fear of distancing friends from myself creeps from my subconscious to my waking mind even as I write this entry. It's a mere fifty-five minutes until a new day beckons. 

     I stayed about an hour, ate my meal, and drank my coffee. After paying for the meal, I went out to my car and proceeded to drive aimlessly around town; finally, I decided to go home, finished with the night's disappointments. After I got home, dressed for the night, and climbed in bed, I got a call from that awareness, informing me as to why they didn't show up. 

     I would like to believe myself to be a loyal friend, but sometimes, that's just not true. I wrongly assumed the situation behind my friend's back. Man, do I feel like an idiot tonight--and after a promise to be friends for as long as life will allow it. I couldn't ask for a better friend, only to be a better one myself. 

     If you're reading this, keep this in mind always: people have lives. You're not the center of the world, and people have to work through their own problems. Just remain loyal to your friends, and they will remain loyal to you in exchange, if they are true friends.

Thanks for reading. Please leave comments below if you want.

January 12, 2015

The Week I Found True Friendship

The Twelfth Family

     One week ago today, I moved to college. Nervous about being forced into a group of eleven other people, I feared rejection, the label of outcast, and solitude for an entire week. This is not what I found. Within hours of moving in, setting up my computer, and taking the compass test yet again, I met my college family for the week. It was composed of four other guys, five girls, and two "parents" who were a mom and pop to us. We introduced ourselves before orientation and learned what each other's names were and where we all lived. The fear of being invisible at another school hung over me like a storm cloud looming in the distance, or buzzards waiting for a rotting piece of meat on the ground. 

     The following day, we participated in a team building challenge course. It's amazing how well simple activities can bring a group of people together in such small ways. That same night, we met with another family that we call cousins. We were meant to work together to put on a show with a theme and pre-selected music. That storm cloud started to look a little less daunting at that point.

     The third day was where everything started to come together for me. We had been eating every meal together and had a community service project of washing flower pots all day. It wasn't the most exciting thing to do, but it all matters who you're spending your time with! That night, there was a family vs. family Olympic competition followed by a family vs. family dodgeball tournament. We were victorious! The crowd went wild as we rushed the court in celebration. Our family went out to Kum and Go for drinks as a family, as friends, and as a team. 

     The next day went by rather slowly without much activity. We did another session of community service followed by a lot of relaxation, and to top off the night, we had a coffee house. That night was one of the roughest; realizing how close we were to finishing camp got me a little upset. But the night went on, and we all had a blast. I couldn't ask for a more supportive family. 

     The next day was a blast. After all of the mandatory presentations from deans and speakers, we as a family and cousin family went to the mall and did a scavenger hunt for pictures. Every team tied (team 1, my team, won). After dinner, we all went on stage for the show we had all practiced for a couple days before. We didn't win, but it was a blast getting punted by a Hulk and duking it out with the villain from Iron Man 2. 

     The next day, the second to last day of camp, we attended our first basketball game. We beat the other school by at least 20 points. (I think) our mother and a brother won coupons to Domino's pizza, so we ordered pizza for dinner that night. We all sat in a circle and got to take turns sharing our personal life stories. At that point, none of us could say that we had room to grow as friends. We were all friends to the 100% level. We could only grow as a legitimate family from then on.

     The last day was full of pictures, fellowship, and the oh-so-glorious joy of watching our brother try to figure out how to eat with etiquette. We spent as much time together as possible after that, and as soon as we went our separate ways, we all just instantly missed each other. The many lessons we learned from each other, for example: Don't leave anything unsaid. Don't let opportunities pass you by because you will never know who you will bless at any point in time. And that undermined lesson: Don't judge a book by its cover. I cannot express how much I love my college family and I know we'll all be close for the rest of...well...ever.

July 14, 2014 Thought

 Controlling Emotions

A Lifelong Practice

     That time of year is coming around again.  I depart for scout camp on Thursday, July 17 for ten days of heat, bad food, and people that can try my patience at times. I used to have a highly explosive temper and, at times, still show signs of that same Caleb I've been trying to get rid of for the past four years. Scout camp has been notorious for bringing my temperament out. Long ago, I used to refer to it as my own personal demon. Last year, on the tenth and final day, for the first time since soccer camp back when I was about...11 or 12, I fought a boy in the troop. I am not proud of it; in fact, I consider it one of my most notable screw-ups in my life. One of three, actually, but those are stories for another time. This year, as an adult, I am determined to be a different person for the first time in most of the years I've been there.

     So, why do I have this problem with my temper? Well, that is also a long story. But to sum it up, my childhood was one of mistreatment by a lot of people and the belief that I was not unique at all. Constantly being tormented by the people around me, I developed my own personal excuse to be a loner, a fighter, and angry. That, of course, was all that it was: an excuse. Because of it, I have hurt friends--but have been forgiven--and lost friends, and have denied myself the chance for friendships for most of my life. I developed an introverted outlook on society and have been reclusive and protective of my feelings and heart, for fear of hurting or being hurt. But, in the last four years, since I started and finished high school, I have met people who have entirely changed my life! All of those for the good. Freshman year, 2010, was the year I, more or less, started to open up to people and began to make friends. My friend Alex was probably the first true friend I made as a freshman. Then a couple more during wrestling season. Then during sophomore year, I met five more people. Junior year, I lost friends and made new ones. One in particular became very close in just a few short days, then something happened, and we more or less stopped talking. A wall came between us that they had put up for my protection, and I honored that. I also met a friend who has been a near two-year wonder in my life. I've learned so much from them and them from me. They've been in rough situations many times in the past year and 9(ish) months, and I am honored to have been there to give the guidance that I could, and if I couldn't, just being able to give my friendship and ear so that they had someone to talk to when the world wouldn't listen.

     My emotions went completely out of control in September 2012. I had made a decision that I regret more than anything else in the world, but I couldn't carry it out. Had I carried out my decision, I would have turned my back on my friends, my family, my future, and God. But since I was able to beat that idea out of my head, I have devoted my life to following the path that will lead me to what I know I need to do, not in the future, but FOR the future. More specifically, the future generations. To lead the youth of the next generations to God. That is what I believe I am to do--it's my purpose. So just why am I talking about this particular topic? Well, for one reason, because I know most of, if not all, of the rebounds of what NOT controlling your emotions can do to you. I've gone through almost every single tough situation that a teen can go through short of fighting parents, drugs, and alcohol. I've gone through "mental illnesses," lack of confidence, denial of self-worth, sour relationships with family, sour relationships in general, the helplessness of seeing a friend fall apart and not being able to pick up the pieces, etc., etc.

     I've lost count of the different techniques I've used to help me become who I want. Then, last year, I had an epiphany: I can't help myself become who I want to be! For years, I've heard people from all different sources say, "Let God take control of your life" and "Give up the reigns. Let the Holy Spirit work inside you so you may better work for His will." I used to rely upon my faith to believe that the God I worship exists, but now, for me, it is no longer a matter of faith. I don't have faith that God is real. With the amount of things that have happened to me and the amount of times I've been saved from those situations, who wouldn't believe that God exists?! I know for a fact that I have seen Him, time and again, working in my life. Guiding my every step. Watching over me as I stumble along the narrow way. What does this have to do with controlling your emotions? Well, here's a starter: When you no longer control yourself, but let God do it instead, you no longer have to control your emotions. Just ask Him for strength and He shall provide always! God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good. I've been able to defeat my "demon" because I've reminded it that its rent has been long overdue, and that it has been evicted. A new Resident has taken its place, and He has already paid the rent in full for all eternity.

     What causes you to struggle with your emotions the most? What sort of struggles do you face on a daily, monthly, or yearly basis? Leave your comments below if you'd like, and remember, when in doubt, take a breath, and doubt your doubts! Thank you for your time.  

July 13, 2014 Thought

While Observing

the Super Moon

"The Story of the Boy

Who Loved the Moon"

     This evening, as I was sitting atop my car watching the moon rise above the trees, I was reminded of a story I once read.  It was about a boy who could not be happy.  Not that he wasn't happy, but that he physically could not be.  One day, the boy was traveling and stumbled across an old man at the top of a rock face overlooking the forest. The boy spoke with the man for some time about many things. The main thing, though, was about happiness and how the boy was to go about finding it.  The man then had an idea. The man was a collector of many magical items that he carried in three packs. In the first pack, the old man produced many old-looking knick-knacks: watches, candle sticks, and kids' toys. None of these impressed the boy. He became uninterested in the first pack and questioned the second.  The old man opened the second pack and revealed things of great value: coins from ancient lands, artifacts from kingdoms long forgotten. But again, none of these impressed the boy. But the third of the the packs was a completely different story. Three small, broken-looking items lay before the two. The first was a box, the size of a small coin purse. The second was a flute, a simple thing, made from a hollowed-out reed with holes poked into the top for the fingers. The third was a larger box, but no more so than a brick. The boy asked what these useless-looking items were. The man explained. 

     The wooden brick was a house. Not a shack or a cottage, but a grand, wooden castle. Nothing like it existed anymore, and all you had to do was unfold it. The boy smirked with a snide look in his eyes. The man moved to the next item, the flute. He explained that it had the power to call to the moon, to attract it to the player of the instrument. The boy laughed at this too, not in merriment or happiness, but in a foolish mockery of the crazy idea. The old man then moved to the smaller box. This one, he explained, was far more powerful than the other two. He claimed it had the power to trap whatever the owner of the box wanted inside. The boy eyed the box with curiosity. The boy, wanting to find a way to make himself happy, decided to take the items from the old man. So he traded a couple loaves of bread and a cask of cool water from a spring in the fairy realm. Having collected the three items into their packs, the boy left on his adventures once again.

     One evening, the boy sat looking at the brick of wood, wondering how it could fold out into a castle as the man had claimed. Looking at it more closely, the boy saw fine lines all across it, like a puzzle. He bent and twisted the box until it was roughly double its original size. He was amazed by this. Maybe the man had spoken the truth. He continued to twist, bend, turn, and push the brick until it doubled, tripled, and grew to even thirty times its original size until it had, in fact, become the glorious castle the man said it was. The boy lived in the castle for months, but as time went on, he realized he was still not happy. Desperate, he searched for the flute next. The next night, when the moon was up, he played. No tune in particular, but the sound that came out was as peaceful as the calm waters of the fairy world and as smooth as the flowing of clouds on a cool, spring day. As he played, he watched the moon from the roof of his castle. The moon came closer and closer, and the boy played and played. The moon laughed and danced and sighed and cried and cheered. Hours went by, and the moon said she must leave for it would be dawn soon.  The boy begged for the moon to stay, but she insisted she would return the following night, if the boy promised to play for her again. The boy reluctantly agreed and spent the following day waiting for the night to fall and the moon to rise.  

     The following night, the boy played the melody again, and the moon came as she promised. They laughed together, talked, walked, and told stories to each other. But the time for the moon to go came once again. The boy loved spending time with the moon and wanted to spend every minute of every day with her. He asked the moon to stay for just a few moments so that he could give her a gift. She complied, and he went inside. He found the small box and came back out to the moon, holding the box. He declared that she was now forever his. The sun rose, and the moon lay inside the box. He played the flute for her all the time. He laughed and danced and cried and cheered. But as the days went on, the moon became less and less radiant. One day, the moon looked up to the sky and begged the boy to let her join in the dance once again. The boy was worried that she wouldn't come back because he knew he kept her from doing what she wanted and thought she would be angry with him. The moon looked at him, her eyes seeing the pain and loneliness inside him. She promised to come to him every night and give him the happiness he had been searching for all his life. The boy agreed and released the moon. She rose to the sky and shone brighter and fuller than she had ever done before. The boy cried; seeing her radiance amazed him. His love for her grew and she came back and hugged him before leaving for the day.

     The moral of the story is this: Even though we may love someone, if we want to be with them, then it must be a two-sided love. You cannot take things for yourself and remove your love's happiness if you want them to love you back. You must be prepared to give them what they want and need if you expect anything back from them. At least, that is what I took from the story. What are your thoughts on this story? How would you translate it to the meaning you believe it to tell? Please comment your thoughts below. Thank you for your time!

June 14, 2014 Thought

A World Without a Friend

What Does it Feel Like?

     In an earlier post, I put a quote up saying that God made us social beings, designed to get along and be together. But what if you didn't have any friends? Loneliness is one of the most powerful emotions that humans can experience. It causes sorrow, anger, and in extreme cases, despair. You begin to wonder what purpose you have and you begin to believe that which you feel like, and that's invisible. 

     Friendships are what define us. My friends, in my case, are my anchor to my goals; my friends are the reason I want to do what I want with my future. A very good friend of mine pulled me out of the darkest hole I had ever been in my entire life. Another friend has given me an enormous need to continue in my faith so as to support their faith. I used to have nothing to strive for. No "ultimate" goal. I had hit the level of despair. But then, I found my hope in my Christian faith and my friends. The word "friend" applies to all those in my life, including my family. My family members were my first friends that I couldn't ever even think about replacing. 

     How selfish would it be for me to leave the people who need me to fend for themselves? My name-given nature is to be loyal, and I am proud to say that I plan to remain loyal to every friend I ever had, have, or will have throughout my entire life. I've learned through years of trial and error experience that, in order to see the value of the things around you, you have to value the things around you. My goal for my future is to open up a coffee shop that acts as a ministry for the youth of this world, allowing me the opportunity to be the friend to the lonely and teacher to the students. 

     Have you ever seen that one kid who sits by himself at lunch during school? I know I have; I've been one of them. Why do you think they sit alone? Don't speculate because you'll guess wrong. Here's an answer that will always be accurate, though: because you aren't sitting with them. Making a conscious effort to be friends with someone is the single most brilliant strategy for making friends. If people in this day and age were to start making that conscious effort, the world could be a more welcoming place, instead of harboring a society where people are outcast, exiled, persecuted, and ignored, which can be one of the most damaging because it molds the feeling of incompetence, failure, and incompatibility.
     So next time you see that kid that you might suppose is being ignored or is sitting alone because all of his or her friends have a different lunch shift, go up to him or her. Be the friend that they could use. People's days have been made by the smallest acts of friendship. Why not make this world a friendlier place? I know this world could use a good smile about now.

July 12, 2014 Thought

Support to Success

Support your friends

so they too may support

you when you need them.

What makes you feel ten feet tall when in a six-foot hole? For me, the answer is my friends. I go back to my friends as a default answer to a lot of situations that, even though I pray, they can make feel a lot less daunting. Almost through my entire high school career, I played the tough guy who didn't need support with his problems, even if he had any. It was hardly that way at home. 

     I have at least four people I trust with telling them anything, knowing that 1) if I asked it of them, they would not tell anyone, and 2) they wouldn't give sympathy, but guidance and an ear that will listen to even the largest heaps of rubbish. Had I not used those friends as the resources they are, I may not have made it all the way through high school with my sanity. My junior year, I participated in a Facebook event known as "Pay it Forward." I made five handmade gifts and gave them to five different people. Without asking anything in return, those five people are to do the same for five other people and so on and so forth. Now this act of reaching out is one way to symbolically repay those friends for sticking by me, but I prefer the more direct approach of sticking by them. "Caleb" in the Israeli translation means faithful or loyal. As a friend, I seek out to forever--as long as it is in my power--give support, even if it is just my ears that they need, if they so ask of me.

     A TV show I watch has a character that lives by a moral of "anyone who breaks the rules given to him is scum, but if he were to abandon his friends, he becomes worse than scum." Hearing that for the first time, I immediately knew I would rather be scum by breaking the rules rather than become worse than scum by abandoning my friends. They didn't abandon me when I called on them, and I refuse to be put into a situation where I leave them in shadows and ultimately cause them to sever my friendship. I have a list of people, seven so far, that have willingly cut off my friendship for unknown reasons. It is one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced; this is due to my fear of solitude. The less friends I have, the more alone I feel, and being of an introverted nature, it puts me in that six-foot hole that everyone dreads.
     How do you cherish your friends? What acts of loyalty will you strive for to hold onto them so that they know they are loved, just as God sent His Son to show He loved us. Please share in the comments below if you're willing. Thank you.

June 9, 2014 Thought

Being a Cultural Rebel

Against the Norm

 What does the cultural rebel look like? In a word, he looks like Jesus. How can this be? Jesus, our Savior, a rebel? Well, yeah. Just look at the evidence given. In Matthew 21:12, it says,

"Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves."

The people of the city were buying and selling items for a living. Jesus rebelled against this by driving out the people in a righteous anger, for it was His Father's dwelling place. The main fact here is that Jesus stopped the people from making a living. Jesus also taught what the pharisees did not want to hear. "This man, the Son of God? Impossible!" And they say this while waiting for their Messiah...but the fact remains; Jesus continued to do something that was not culturally accepted. 

     So how can we be rebels if we, in this day and age, have freedom of speech? Most people started drinking, doing drugs, having sex out of wedlock, killing, and stealing to be rebellious. The Christian artist Lecrae put it this way in his album, Rebel: 

"Everyone is doing it, so it's no longer rebellious to sin!"

So if the whole world is committing these sins, how can the modern Christian rebel against the rebellious? By reading our Bibles. Standing up for what we believe to be true--that is the Word of God! 

"That's the only rebellion left!" -Lecrae 

If you're living your life to impress the world, then you're going to end up living a life filled with nothing because it will be a life without God. The world doesn't care what you can or can't do. You had a drink from your dad's stock of beer? You bought a cigarette from that guy at school and smoked it on school grounds? That's not very impressive. People do that every day all year round. How can you impress a society by doing something they are already doing? Now, not everyone reads their Bibles daily, and by doing so, conversations have been started. Lives have been turned around. People accepting Jesus as their Savior. So instead of hurting yourself for a little bit of recognition, why not strengthen yourself for an eternal reward that is ours in heaven? That seems like a way more reasonable deal to me.

     What do you think? How could you be a rebel against today's rebellious society? Will you read your Bible in public and not care who labels you as a "Jesus Freak"? Comment below. I'd love to see what you guys think. Thanks.

June 7, 2014 Thought

Moments in Time

CHANGE

     There are those odd moments in time where a thought comes to pass that causes me to step back and look at my life.  What change is needed in this little life of mine? The song that says,

"So, I shook my fist at Heaven

Said, 'God, why don't You do something?'

He said, 'I did, yeah, I created you!'"

What can I do to change the world if I am just sitting here like some...oaf that lazes around watching TV, playing video games, and sleeping?  I've spoken much lately about making a change to future teen generations, so I am even more bent on making my dream come true.  If I could, in some way, insert positive ideas that people, even just a few, care about the troubled teen, then maybe the future of more...stable teens and young adults and future leaders could be supported until ensured. 

     So I ask my readers: What would you do to make a change? How far off your couch, your bed, your chair, or your comfort zone will you encroach to change what you see needs to be changed?  What are your ideas? Post below if you have mind-blowing ideas, schemes, plans, or anything else that could make a change. 

     

     PS: Research the idea of "Pay it Forward." This is a brilliant idea created by a little kid a few decades back. Ideas could very much be provided by looking into this idea.